When looking back at the last 5 years of my life, I'm sometimes amazed that I'm even functioning. Life has been full of its ups and downs and I know that there are many more just waiting for me. But the last 5 years have been an emotional roller-coaster.
At times, it hurts to look back and remember the things that have happened and the people I hurt while trying to "live my life". Other times, all I feel is joy knowing that I have the most amazing people in my life. People who have been supportive, understanding and just loving.
I think the hardest thing for me right now is trying to focus on the positive side of every situation. If you know me at all, you know that is not something I am good at. I've been that way most of my life, kinda a pessimist. It's nothing something I'm proud of, but it's been sort of a crutch for me the past couple years. I've used it as an excuse, a way to protect myself. And though it is not something I like about myself, I have never really made an effort to change it. In fact, I've convinced myself that this is who I am and that I will be this way for the rest of my life.
But...the last 8 months have been life changing and recently I made the decision that I didn't want to be a pessimist anymore and that I wanted actually allow myself to be happy. I've started to "look on the bright side" and not think so negatively.
It's amazing how different the world looks already. I'm seeing everything in a new light. Things that would normally seem sad or depressing have actually turned into some of the happiest moments. Instead of assuming the worst and expecting everything to go wrong, I've started to let myself hope and enjoy life. Hope is huge. I don't know how I've gone so long without it. It's given me a little burst of life that I didn't know existed and has made everything that much better. I'm more ready and excited for this semester of school than I have ever been. I'm excited for winter to come. I'm ready for new adventures. The world isn't as horrible as I have thought it to be.
I'm happiest I've been in a long time and I don't say that lightly. It's the people in my life right now that have brought this change. And I am so grateful.
I know that there are going to be days that just suck...it's life. It's going to happen. But now I don't expect everyday to be that way. And that is a wonderful feeling.
till next time
~Chloe
But...the last 8 months have been life changing and recently I made the decision that I didn't want to be a pessimist anymore and that I wanted actually allow myself to be happy. I've started to "look on the bright side" and not think so negatively.
It's amazing how different the world looks already. I'm seeing everything in a new light. Things that would normally seem sad or depressing have actually turned into some of the happiest moments. Instead of assuming the worst and expecting everything to go wrong, I've started to let myself hope and enjoy life. Hope is huge. I don't know how I've gone so long without it. It's given me a little burst of life that I didn't know existed and has made everything that much better. I'm more ready and excited for this semester of school than I have ever been. I'm excited for winter to come. I'm ready for new adventures. The world isn't as horrible as I have thought it to be.
I'm happiest I've been in a long time and I don't say that lightly. It's the people in my life right now that have brought this change. And I am so grateful.
I know that there are going to be days that just suck...it's life. It's going to happen. But now I don't expect everyday to be that way. And that is a wonderful feeling.
till next time
~Chloe
